Expert Ownership Podcast
Expert Ownership Podcast
Decoding Character Traits: Mastering the Art of Reading People
Every successful entrepreneur understands that success in business is 100% tied to success in relationships. The better you are with people the better you are in business. The question is, how can we discern the type of people we should associate with. Who should we hire? Who should we partner with?
We'll tackle these questions as we show you how to read anyone's character rapidly. Don't miss this chance to ramp up your ability to assess character traits in relationships and start decoding those around you.
So in today's episode we are going to do a really fun one, and it's from an article that I read and and I just loved it. It's all about how to read anyone's character rapidly, okay, and I read this and I thought, man, I need to share this on our podcast. Now I'm gonna just share several of the principles with you not all of them, but some that that stuck out, was stuck out with me, and the reason why is Because, as Fayfield entrepreneurs, we're building our businesses. We come in contact with people all day long. I mean, business is all about relationship. That's what I've explained to my kids, like, if you want to be in business, you need to be awesome at relationship. You don't have to have a business degree, you don't have to even know numbers and all that kind of stuff, the technicalities of business. You have to be awesome at relationships, of course. Then I would say the next best thing is to know how to systemize. So Be awesome at relationships, know how to systemize. So right now, we're gonna focus in on relationships, because accurately evaluating the character of others is one of your most valuable skills. Okay, so the thing is is that everybody has positive and negative character traits, you know I mean even Disney that they show villains, that that show remorse, like there's a positive character trait of a villain, right? So the question is how are we going to be able to evaluate? Because we need to hire people. Some people want to partner with us. We know that there are certain clients we need to say yes to and certain clients we need to actually say no to, to whatever extent that you can Evaluate their character and the time that you spend with them. Here are a few ways that will help you understand their character and will help you understand it quickly, and here's one of the things that David and I do. If somebody has ever wanted to partner with us or we want to go into a new initiative with someone, one of the first things that we do is we want to meet their spouse. Okay, that would. I would say. That's trait number one, like who did they marry? What do they like? Of course I you know this is Jason speaking and David will be with us in just a second.
Speaker 1:I've got a marriage podcast that I do. It's beauty in battle. If you haven't listened to it, go check it out. We specifically talk about marriage and relationship with leaders. So we we look at leaders and those who are leading things a business, a church, a ministry, whatever and how can you run that and build it and grow it and scale it and make a big splash While at the same time crushing it in your marriage?
Speaker 1:So Tori and I, my wife, we, we talk a lot about the importance of Seeing and knowing the person's spouse before you get into a business venture with them. Why? Because you can tell and I come from a husband's perspective. I said you can tell what a husband's like by the face of his wife. Is he watering that flower or is he not? Because if, if she's wilting like a prune, chances are the husband has something to do with that.
Speaker 1:Now, that's not always the case, because sometimes people have mental, you know issues, right, but for the most part you need to observe their partner. Who someone partners with in Marriage says more than anything else, and that's why you know and I brag on Tori I'm like you don't want to know why I'm the man. You Because of you she's like. Please don't ever say that. You know. I'm like because you know when Torey's around people, I'm like yes, you're an all star Like you're. You know you're somebody that you know people enjoy and you chose me, so that actually makes me look good.
Speaker 1:You know, I honestly can say, if you want to evaluate someone's character, the first thing you do observe their partner. Like, just have dinner with them, get on a zoom, do something fun, right? Because whoever a person chooses as a partner indicates their priorities and values as well as what they think of themselves. So that's the first thing. Observe their partner. Number two observe their willingness to help others. You know, helping others is a very kind thing, but helping them without an inner motive is even better. So observe how they help other people, right, how generous are they? And and of course, you know if you're thinking whatever context you're thinking this through is it a new hire or is it a business venture? Some of these are more difficult to to observe right up front, but how willing are they to help other people? Here's a really good one, and we actually said this in our last podcast. And and I use this a lot Observe how they handle the word no. That's hard for all of us, yeah, so you know everyone, even successful people, experience rejection. And those who take no poorly you, you, really. They typically have an overinflated sense of entitlement Right and you just want to only do business and only hire those who can actually handle the word no? I'll give you an example David and I, after our junior year of college, we were had two opportunities.
Speaker 1:The first was to play athletes in action, where we would travel and be on a traveling ministry baseball team and go overseas and tell people about Jesus. And we had done that the year before and it was an awesome experience. The second opportunity was to go to Torrington, connecticut, and play for a newly formed team called the Torrington twisters, and I remember David and I prayed about it and we felt like we should go the athletes in action route. So we called the guy who ran the team his name was Kirk Fredrickson of the Torrington twisters and we called him and said, hey, thanks for the opportunity, but no. And he said I respect your decision. If anything changes, I'll leave the door open for you both, but I wish you both the best. And that's how we handled it. And you know what. We hung up the phone and both of us were like, oh snap, yeah, I feel like we made the wrong decision. And so we picked it back up and we actually called him and he's like, okay, yeah, we said, hey, you know, I think we, we, we messed that one up and that was within 10 minutes. Yeah, and by God's grace, I mean that's when Jason met Torrey. Yeah, it was awesome. That was the best decision of our life, seriously, up to that point, other than just saying yes and go into Liberty. But you, the way that he handled no was so awesome.
Speaker 1:So if, if somebody is really pushing, you know, or whatever, and they can just, even if you want to say no and I said this on the last podcast say no, even if you want to say yes, right, or if you feel any type of fear, pause saying yes and just monitor how they handle the word no. I can see this with our kids. Yeah, as I'm sitting here listening to you talk, I'm like, okay, I need to apply this with my kids a few times. Yeah, here's another good observation If you want to really see who somebody is, observe their reaction to other people's success, so you can even bring someone up, you know who maybe is doing the same thing that they want to do, or whatever the case may be. But observe what they say. If they're like, yeah, but that guy, he's like, oh, it's not good, you know whatever. And they're just focusing on the negative. I can promise you they're going to have massive ego problems.
Speaker 1:I was having lunch with a pastor and he told me. He said I've been praying and in my prayer time the Lord told me that he wanted me to pray everything. I'm praying for our ministry and our church. He wanted me to pray that for another pastor in our city. Yeah, and he said, and that was, that was like a reality check, that was like a gut check. Like, am I willing to pray that, that same prayer that I'm praying for our ministry and our church and our people, for him, for his church, for his folks? And that was just a. That's a that really is a motive tester for all of us. Yes, well, here's another one.
Speaker 1:Observe how they treat service staff, but specifically, honestly, waiters, waitresses, like those who serve, like David and I loved if, if it came time to, somebody wanted to meet with us or whatever, or we wanted a business opportunity, we'd go out to eat. I mean, that's the best thing. I totally paid attention to how you treat that, that server. Well, it's not whether they're rude or not, cause I mean, 99% of people are not going to be rude and mean, but I contact. Yeah, did you get their name? I don't know their name, but are they worth your attention, are they worth your time? Because they are. Because oftentimes and look, we all fall prey to this. Right, we're not sitting here saying everybody else is wrong, we're right.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes, especially in a business context, folks will elevate the transaction over the relationship, and that's never God's way. God's way is people, yeah, and not transactions. Yes, they're very important, but you never elevate a transaction over a person. So that's why I always we wrote in our book Bold and Broken we tip according to who we are, not according to the way we're served. Yeah, now I get it. You're like well, they didn't serve us. Well, we're not tipping what? Well, tip good. But then just make a comment, at least directly to them. If you have to do that. But it's just you. You elevate the, the person. Even if it's slow, even if it's not perfect, it's, they still are people that are working hard and they are truly the working poor in in America. They are the working poor. So we have to take very good care of anyone that would ever serve us at any time.
Speaker 1:And here's another principle Observe how they handle success. This is so good Whether you're meeting with the person or not, or whether you're watching them from afar, observe how they handle success. And I love this because it reminds me of a conversation I had with Dr Tony Evans. We were driving, he and his wife, out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse where and I just have to say this where he ordered a well done T-bone and then asked the server for steak sauce. Yeah, that was tragic. Yeah, I actually looked at him. I was joking, of course, but I looked at him and I said get out, I'm not going to buy a well done steak for somebody first and secondly, you put in steak sauce and that's like you might as well go back and punch the slap the chef in the face, right.
Speaker 1:But anyway, on the way there, or actually when we got there, there were all these people like oh, dr Evans, you know they want to pictures with him and stuff like that. And I on the ride back and I said how do you handle that? Like all these people recognizing you and all that cause it doesn't seem to affect you at all. And he said it's just part of the gig, like that was it? And I remembered that here this was. This guy was one of the most famous preachers in the world. People recognize him all over and people wanting to come up and take pictures, but I could tell it didn't touch his inner man and that really stood out to me and I'm like I want to be like that. You know, if the Lord ever puts me in a situation where people know me, I want to be like that. You know it's just part of the gig, it's just part of the job. It doesn't touch the inner man and you then fall in love with yourself.
Speaker 1:You know, and I'm telling you, how someone handle success. If, when you're meeting with them or you can tell that they're talking a lot about their success, right, you just know they don't know how to handle success. It's gotten to them and of course, we know it's not a gig for Dr Evans or any of us, it's a calling, but he just really lowered it Like I'm not that I don't need to be taking myself that seriously, yeah, but being able to handle it on a transactional level, like that. You know, when David and I walk off the stage and if you know there are times where you know, I know that I hit it, I know that I hit it right. I said what I wanted to say and people responded well to it, you know, and literally you're walking off and I'm saying to myself, hey, it's just a part of the deal, you know, if I deliver it the way I'm supposed to deliver it, they're going to respond how they're responding right now. Of course, there are plenty of times I'm walking off and I'm like snap, I miss that. Yeah, gum, right, it's just a part of the deal, like when the disciples went out and they were healing the sick and casting out demons, and they came back and they're all like oh my gosh, jesus, you're not going to believe what we did. And he's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't rejoice in that. You need to rejoice that your name is written in my book, right? Yeah, that's it. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, you're going to do some awesome stuff, maybe even casting out demons and raising the dead, but don't sit there and get all excited about that.
Speaker 1:How you handle success matters. Yes, it's a revealer. That is one way that you can tell someone's character. How do they handle success? The number two or I should say number two, it's the seventh little characteristic Observe their response to failure. How did they handle failure? Right, how a person reacts to failure reveals a lot about their resilience and adaptability. Some people learn from it, so others just complain and blame those around them. If the person is a part of the blame game, it's like well, how come that situation didn't work out? Well, it's because this person didn't do this and the market did this and the market changed. But if they can't ever go you know what I actually messed up Then that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 1:I showed my son Chase this is David I showed my son Chase the difference between a Cam Newton interview, who was a quarterback for the Panthers, and a Drew Brees interview, who was the quarterback for the Saints. I said, look at these two interviews and literally Cam Newton was blaming everyone and he was like I don't know, something's got to change. Something's got to change. Well, of course it can't be him. And then Drew Brees he lost as well, a different game, but he was in the press conference at the interview. And Drew Brees goes I need to do better, I've got to prepare better, I've got to get my team in a better position to win. I need to make better passes. It's like I said, which one's a leader, he's like that guy, yeah, but that's great. You don't know. Blame game, yep. So how do they handle failure?
Speaker 1:Number eight observe their gratitude, like how thankful are they? Positive, self-aware people are grateful for what they have. They're the glass half full people, I'm telling you, the law of exposure says that you become like the people you hang around you. You, your, how you think, feel and act is drastically impacted by the things that you expose yourself to. So if someone isn't thankful, don't hang around them. If they're negative, don't hang around them, just don't. Just don't do it at all. But you'll be able to tell about someone's character by how thankful they are. Okay so, audit their gratitude. Pay attention to sarcasm. Sarcasm, tone shifts, negative language and they're focusing conversations, because a negative, pessimistic attitude is a key sign that the person not grateful. And if they're not grateful, then just think about Romans, one before they got you. You know Paul is writing and he talks about these people who have depraved passions. They had degrading passions and it was a bad situation. It all started for a lack of gratitude to God. Okay, so we want to be around grateful people.
Speaker 1:Number nine observe their upbringing, like figure out who, who, who are their parents. This isn't foolproof because there are awesome testimonies out there from people who didn't even have parents raising a terrible upbringing. But upbringing is important. To know where someone comes from, you know, and so it's important to look at their upbringing. Let me jump to number. Let me I love this one, here's a good one Observe how they treat animals.
Speaker 1:You know, like what's the verse, david? Isn't there a verse in it? Yeah, it talks a righteous man cares for the needs of his animal. Cares for the needs of his animal. Like, how do you treat animals? I'm not saying that you have to be a dog lover or cat lover or anything like that. It might be allergic, yeah, so I'm not saying you know, there, for a long time when David and I had young kids, we didn't, I didn't want a dog at all because I had four, four kids. That was dog enough for me. But how somebody treats an animal is an important thing. You know, like loving and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Observe their receptiveness to change. How flexible are they Like? If you want to know if an employee is, has good character, quality, go up there and change something on them. Now, some people, the part of their, their DNA, is they're not going to like change immediately, but let it sit with them and then they'll come back and be like okay, I figured out a way I can do that better. And you're like you know what. In all honesty, I don't want you to really do it. I just wanted to see how you'd respond to that change and you did really well, so I'm going to give you a raise. Ha ha ha, drop that on somebody. That's really important.
Speaker 1:Another character, another, another way that you can see someone's character, observe their accountability. Who are they accountable to? Like, just ask that question and and you could, you could ask is there anyone in your life that can tell you no? Yeah, that's a very good question to ask. Of course, we should be submitted into our local church, but a lot of especially men there's really no one in your life that can tell you no, or it can tell you stop and you listen to them and that that's a loose cannon, that's a lack of accountability. Yeah, so that's, are they accountable? And ask that question Are you accountable to anybody, who? Who is it in your life that that that you're accountable to? So accountability is an indicator of honesty and integrity. So people who are honest. They have accountability. Here's a good one character quality.
Speaker 1:Observe their sense of humor. You know, humor is an indicator of one's ability to connect with others deeply. If you don't have a sense of humor, it doesn't mean that you have to be a funny person, right? But if you can laugh, then you can connect. Don't take yourself so seriously. Mark Twain says that humor is mankind's greatest blessing. You know, dr? Oh, shoot, what's Dr John Gottman? He's foremost relationship coach. He said those who laugh together last together. So laughing at themselves and finding humor in challenges, it demonstrates a very well-rounded perspective and strong emotional intelligence. You wanna be around people who are emotional intelligent. You wanna hire those people who are emotionally intelligent and listen. Here's, here's the thing. Sarcasm is a sign that someone's insecure and passive, aggressive. Sarcasm is not humor. We call it scarcasm. Yeah, and you know what? I was very sarcastic for a long while and I had to realize, man, that was. It's hurting people. Here's another. Here's another two more. I'm gonna give you two more.
Speaker 1:Observe how they handle stress In stress. How do they handle it? Do they panic or are they calm? Right, when it comes to business, you want the duck. There's a lot going on under the water. I mean the feet are moving, but you can't tell. You don't want somebody who is the type of person where, when they have a headache, everybody's got a headache. When they're stressed, everybody's stressed. Why? Because they're telling people or it's written on their face. So it's. How do they handle stress? Do they maintain their composure? Are they resilient? So pay attention to how they handle stress. And then the last one that and I love that we're going to end with this one observe their talk to listen ratio. Do they talk more than they listen? So in social settings, you can talk with Minglars, you can listen to or you can avoid other people Like, talking is important.
Speaker 1:Listeners are rare. They're valuable, though, and extremely effective. I remember we had a guy that used to be at our old church back years ago when we were kids. His name was Pat Quinn. He was so quiet, he would always sit in the corner. He was a single guy. He was just a really faithful man, and I'll never forget after my first Christmas I had married Laurie. We were back in Dallas for Christmas and Pat Quinn came up to me and he said you know I was, because Laurie has always been an amazing listener. He said I was talking to your wife and she actually is the first person in my life to listen in a way to where it made me feel like I was the most important person in the world, and I can remember him saying that so good listening skills can actually change somebody like Pat. I mean that marked Pat Quinn and that was just because my wife just chose to listen and that's something I desperately need to work on and I know Jason's got to work on that. I don't have to work on that nearly as much as you do.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing Jim Collins, in his book Good to Great, he says actually I don't know if it was in good to great, but I know it's a Jim Collins quote he said pay attention to your questions to answer ratio, that great leaders ask more questions than they give answers. And I'm just telling you you want to talk about connection. If you want to connect with somebody, ask them questions. And if you want to feel connected to that person, they have to ask you questions. If they don't, if they're just all about answering your questions, then they're in love with themselves and they're not willing to ask you questions in return. Or maybe it's an interview, but I get it. They don't have to. Well, I'm not talking about the situation being an interview. I'm just talking about interpersonal relationship. If you want to test someone's character, are they just giving answers or are they going to ask questions? And it is really important for all of us to be good question askers, especially as we're faith-filled entrepreneurs. So we represent the Lord, you know. So there you go.
Speaker 1:Oh, by the way, I found out who did this blog and I love it. I like this guy. His name is Alex Brogan, b-r-o-g-a-n. I like it. Okay. So, jason, own it or loan it for Christmas.
Speaker 1:Real Christmas tree yeah, you get to own it. Do you have a real Christmas tree? I do. I got a real and a fake. I got both of them. There are people that don't do real Christmas trees and I think that's communist. I'm only teasing. That's a problem. I'm only teasing, but you got to burn the tree as soon as Christmas is over and it is an amazing sight to see. And now, if you're in the city limits, you're not allowed to do that, all right. Well, hey, that's it. Subscribe rate review. Enjoy the Christmas season. We're so glad that we get a chance to do this podcast, so we look forward to doing our goal. Jason, we're going to do our goal. How to set goals and achieve goals? Sure, we'll repurpose that one, because that one gets listened to a lot. Yeah, that's a good one. Okay, god bless you guys. We will have six.